Here's a secret to confess: I am as broken as any person who has ever lived or ever will live. Sure things may look great on the outside but deep down it's a different story. But here's the other secret: though naturally I may be broken, in Christ I am healed and set apart.
Today I was given a powerful reminder of trying to do too much in my own effort. In my own effort I am weak - I stuff up the best intentions, I take people for granted, I don't explain myself as well as I should. The care that I have for people turns to selfishness and ambition when I do things my own way. But fortunately I was also given an even more powerful reminder that God is more than enough. Let me explain...
So today I had my 21st birthday party bbq and right from the start things didn't go quite as I planned. I stressed myself out trying to find a bbq spot, the meat didn't cook as fast as I hoped (and I wasted time on that rather than being with the people I love and initiating unity between different groups). That said I've been having an interesting discussion with both Jay and Ken about the idea of God using all things for our good and I was pleased to see that most people enjoyed the bbq. Of course I know I stuffed some things up very wrong there in hindsight and learnt a lesson.
But when I read the birthday cards I was reminded also of this fact: no matter how badly I stuff up in my own strength, when I am weak He is strong. All of my doubt and fear and insecurity is because I keep trying to do things my way rather than His way. These were cards that spoke the same message of hope, love and a special God-given future. A reminder that I don't need to do it all in my own strength.
So here's the thing: despite how good everything looks on the outside, inwardly I bleed like a man with knife wounds running through his arteries. That is, when I try to do things as a weak sinner. But Christ was gracious enough to deliver me and give me a chance everyday to be truly redeemed...
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